The Transcript They Tried To Ban!!
+ pix of the interview lifted from a badly damaged camera

Yalan is a Princess. That doesn't mean she demands too much, although she could; and she doesn't stamp her feet when her will is denied. Yalan is a Princess, heir to a throne, in a distant land.

BUT wait, there's more, far more than your average set of Ginzu Knives with a second set free (to give to someone you aren't particularly fond of at Xmas time). We had heard a rumour that Yalan is the mysterious super-spy known in the underworld she frequents as, The Ivory Ninjette.

Whisperers whisper about Yalan's early life in the hills around her home village where her Father is King. Befriended by his Secret Servicemen she learnt early the ways of the Ninja and how to harness the power within her very being.

Yalan is a mercenary; always on the side of right she hunts international fugitives in exchange for cold hard cash!

And why not?

What bad guy wouldn't trip and fall into her innocent laugh and passionate eyes? Giving up secrets on impulse, only to find himself tarred, feathered and run out of town.

More often than not Yalan's adverseries end up dead... But that's not the kind of talk we like here at StuHefner.com!

HOW do we know all this?

We asked... and StuHefner got his ass kicked for the trouble!

Y: Now I know you've heard those silly rumours about me being some kind of super-hero...

SH: Don't you mean spy? I heard you killed a lot of people. That's not very super is it?

Y: Yes well as i said none of that's true. Now do you want to turn on the recorder thing ans ask me some intelligent questions or should I break your legs?

SH: Sure let's not hurt the fragile people in the room, (leaning forward and pretending to turn on recorder). But on the side of things super, you are a super hot babe.

Y: Careful StuHefner I kick your ass into next week.

SH: Are you really a Princess? You're not like any Princess I've dated before.

Y: I am not like anyone you ever met.

SH: So why don't you want the world to know you are The Ivory Ninjette? I'm sure Jackie Chan would pay to Produce the movie of your life.

Y: I tell you already StuHefner don't ask me about lies.

SH: But what about these pictures our paparazzi took recently... Are you telling us you're really a hooker? Or undercover on something of national importnace?

Y: More likey something akin to National Impotence. I towel you areddy StuHifna I kickee u ass...

SH: So Thai bondage is something you like to do? Or are you really someone totally different from who we think you are? Maybe you are a triple agent, Not the Asian Princess you want us to think you are, or The Ivory Ninjette. Are these covers for an even more sinister identity? You can tell me Yalan...

Y: Ah so u try that stupid mind trippy thing where you say so much I can't remember where you started... Yes l like to tie you up and beat you, no I am not triple, double or other number agent. I will tell you this StuHefner; you fu wi me an you get seriously f****d. Do not reveal my true identities.

SH: Ahmm ok, so if I were to tell you this was a live interview and that was a microphone, not an mp3 recorder... that might bode badly for the ass of StuHefner?

Y: You cheap 2nd class reporter. How you gonna feel when I rip your arms off and beat you to death with them?!!

...silence as TheHef runs for his life!

Enjoy the pix, they're all we have left from this expose.

Pix: StuHefner
Styling: StuHefner (can't you tell!)
Location: R'TOTO Bar & Grill Takapuna - long may it rest... (Thanks to Kevin Schwass & Crew)